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Byron walks to Carmes. "Hey, what are you doing?"
ok, waiting for the news report to come out
I might post here less frequently than I used to.
(sig last edited on 30th October 2020 at 15:15 UTC
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might has well post bulletin #1 now
APPLE NEWS NTEWORK BULLETIN #1
24 October 2020
news to report people for stream sniping toHI CUTE #1 BY SUESYE
written by Suesye"Whoops oh no," I say,
Did axe dent suing Chairs,
Instead sewn myself.Fall Guys Championships starting today
written by Fall Guy
The Fall Guys are preparing for the upcoming championships, with 60 competitors from, uhh, idk where. Obviously, only 1 will succeed, but who will? Past performance reports determine every Fall Guy has the same chance of success.Here is Lenny Lennyson in an interview with Pineapple, a previous victor of 6 championships:
Lenny: Well, as the winner of the past 6 championships, how are you feeling?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Sounds great, confidence is key. Are there any competitors you feel might hurt your chances of success?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Haha! Great tactic! How are you feeling about the round selection?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: I’ve always been a fan of slime climb, especially the comical mistakes people make. What's your all-time favourite map?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Well, thankfully it’s coming up in this competition. That’s all I have for you today, thanks for your time.Schedule:
Round 1: Gate Crash (60 competitors)
Round 2: Door Dash (43 competitors)
Round 3: Slimb Climb (29 competitors)
Round 4: Tip Toe (if less than 7, skip to next round)
Round 5: Jump ShowdownMeanwhile, the weather: Normal
APPLE'S TECHNOLOGY AND DESIGN CORNER: Episode 14
written by Apple the CatIn today's important news, RDAAEICPI (Random Disposable Automated Assistants Enterprises Incorporated Corporation Publishing Incorporated) has just released a new model of weird robotic gadget thing.
Apple: Time to unbox it! Remember kids, always use the sharpest knife you can find to open packages, to really show that cardboard who's the box. Alright, here we go.
DAN-4: AAAHHH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!
Apple: Crap, looks like I cut the product. Uh, this was all RDAAEICPI's fault! 4/10 too much water.
DAN-4: MY EYE!!
Apple: ...Uh, nothing a band-aid won't fix, I guess. Who cares. I'm sure we can put our differences behind us, for news.
DAN-4: You monster.In today's unimportant news, Roblox Noob has just been announced as a playable character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, to the delight of Roblox enthusiasts everywhere, and we've heard claims that Google is a kind of big company.
FALL GUYS UNIVERSE PORTAL ADDED TO PORTAL MUSUEUM
written by CarmesA portal to the Fall Guys universe was added to the Portal museum.
One of our reporters come from this universe and is reporting news about it.
PUMPKIN ARMY DOES THINGS OUTSIDE KEYN DDDD's CASTLE
written by CarmesA pumpkin army definitely not created by Red Computer Labs has been seen around a mile from Keyn DDDD's castle. They have reportedly eaten a cave filled with candy.
Keyn DDDD has yet to comment on this matter.
out and about on the street
written by Apple the CatToday, we're going out on the street to see if there are any weak-minded individuals we can easily deceive.
Apple: We're live from Bodder Bolting, let's see if we can totally prank any of these people. Hey random bystander!
Rand Umbice Tanner: Yeah?
Apple: Have you seen a man named Joe around here? He has stolen some guy's bouncy ball or something.
Rand Umbice Tanner: Yes, I have! He went that way!
Apple: Dang it.Apple: Hey Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins). Do you know who Joe is?
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): Who's John? Is he the guy who took my ball?
Apple: No, his name is Joe.
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): So Joe took my ball?
Apple: This is hopeless.
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): I know, that's exactly how I feel!Apple: Hey Reeling Turt'll, got any wisdom to close this unsuccessful segment for us?
Reeling Turt'll I've appeared in like four of your reports now. When do I get paid?
Apple: Alright, that about wraps it up, looks like this plan has not been successful.
DAN-4: Thanks for that, Apple. It appears that Joe, the perpetrator, has been apprehended.
Apple: Joe? Who's Joe?
White Is Scientifically Proven Psychic
written by ByronAfter we had our election in Year 3497, Jeffrey White from Daniel Denial had been elected to run for president. In these years, White had made a lot of crazy rules, said a lot of sentences that don't make sense, and almost commit a murder. However, as the president, his words get supported by his fans. Scientists had proven that White is a psycho.
According to Scientist Tim Derp, White's crazy action is considered as the brianchlofjophoezach, which is "brain unreadable syndrome" in Fretin. This syndrome is likely caused by being too wild during childhood, or not remembering one's breakfast of any day. This syndrome has no cure. As of writing, there are 528 people who had this syndrome, and 498 of them were kept in solitary, as the syndrome is transmittable, and also the 500 patients might hurt other people.
"Originally, all 500 people were kept in solitary. Now White and another person fled the island and transmitted it to 28 people. We're trying to capture them back to solitary, which is on an island that we can't tell anyone," Derp said.
White's fans are not convinced about it. They thought it was a set-up by the other party, Americans United, to chase White out of the White House. "This is all a ruse. A plant. Americans United made all these up! I will die for this man!" One of the fans, Mark Razor, claimed.
The other minor parties, who actually cared about the people, decided to team up to form a big party to save the people from White. "Jeffrey White is a menace to American society. We have to save the people from him," said Aaron Plateau, "We're suggesting it to be called Minors Revenged".
Sandwich Building Suffers Shocking Collapse
written by Apple the CatThe grand opening of the nice sandwich building in the area of the intersection of Broadway and King Street in Burlington has been postponed due to a man getting struck by lightning on top of the unfinished building. Bystanders claim that he was holding a large metal pole and saying something about Zeus. No construction workers were harmed during this, but construction was delayed out of respect for the pole's family.
comics
candy sadness by apple #28CARMES INC ANNOUNCES OFFICE IN EARTH
written by CarmesCarmes Inc will soon become the first company from Dreem Lend to have an office on Earth. Two have been planned to be built, one in the 'United States of America' (which Donald Spokeperson is aware of and somehow wants a wall built around it) and the United Kingdom.
the end. don't sue
Haiku #1: $50
ATADC: $100
Fall Guy thing: $150
Other Fall Guy thing: $80
Pumpkin Army: $100
out and about: $150
Pig Soop Ad: $200
White Is Scientifically Proven Psychic: $130
Sandwich Building: $60
Candy Sadness: $90
Carmes Inc.: $100
-$100 per employee in report * 4 = -$400
-$500 publishing fee
-$5 candy
TOTAL: $305
new balance: $2305
Last edited by DoubleDenial (2020-Oct-26 05:24:00)
"There's no excuse for anything until you come up with it." -me, it doesn't mean anything i just said it
apple news ntework - Candy Sadness - My YouTube - My Muse's Cafe Account rip lol - trotgwyscbtigu
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It's yer politics section again ~
After all the craziness in the past few days, The Government Scientist Association had made experiments about the brianchlofjophoezach syndrome. After a few days of hard work, our 385th president, Jeffrey White, is now officially proven to have the syndrome.
"All 498 patients has this BCFPZ virus in their blood. It is believed that this virus is the main cause of the syndrome," one of the scientists, Summer Mart said, "All the people that were in contact with White has to be kept in solitary for 364 days (26 weeks). 28 new cases are found, and 27 are captured and sent to the solitary island.
After some discussion between all parties via online meetings, Felicia Felica is elected to take over White's job until the election that will be held on 34 December 3497.
Last edited by Byron_Inc_TBG (2020-Oct-25 16:21:14)
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Carmes made the thing about the Fall Guy universe being added to the portal museum, not Fall Guy.
Also, there is clashing information about who is the President of the US in this 'universe'.
Last edited by SausageMcSauce (2020-Oct-25 21:09:28)
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"Hey, I think there will be news about that misinformation." Byron said as he prepared his things to go to The Portal Universe.
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I have a new ad:
and news:
Despite being in a different universe from Dreem Lend, the United Countries of Earth has invited Dreem Lend to be a member. It was mainly made possible when Donald Spokeperson (who once posed as a different person named 'Jeffrey White') was removed from the White House and replaces by Felicia Felica and her vice 'Jeff Bide'.
Keyn DDDD has yet to comment on this, as he is currently focusing on expanding his castle and sorting out the pumpkin army that ate a cave full of candy.
A new holiday has been made in the US, Wall-Destroying Day. It will happen on the anniversary of Donald Spokeperson being removed from power. On this day, the president has to destroy a random wall across the country.
Speaking of walls, no wall will be made around Carmes Inc's future US office.
(I have also fixed the conflicting information about the president)
Last edited by SausageMcSauce (2020-Oct-27 20:14:29)
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HI CUBE #2 BY SUESYE
by Suesye
The voice two lazy,
Doesn't not give us or ads,
Helit on lab pop
Last edited by Joyous Theta (2020-Oct-27 08:14:34)
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(Uh, SausageMcSauce, it's Felicia Felica, not Felicia Felice. It is happy in Esperanto)
After Byron went to the portal museum, he brought back some big news.
After having the Fall Guy portal added to the Portal Museum, the Portal Museum gained a lot of new visitors. Even visitors who complained so much that they don't want to step foot in the museum had visited there too.
Why is this possible? The reason has to be the popularity of the Fall Guys mobile game. It was the first in early June but was overtaken by Among Us. Among Us is technically better, compared with Fall Guys, since there's a lot of things you can do with the characters.
"We're surprised of the new-gained fame of this museum. It used to be at the bottom of the 'museum popularity list' with an average of 100 visits per month. Now, it had skyrocketed to the first in 3 days, with 318423406 visits per month!" The manager of the museum, Potter Portal said. The whole museum was cramped and is now open 60 hours a day.
The museum is bringing in the Among Us portal to the museum next week, which will bring more possibilities to the museum.
It's over 9000 5000!
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I made a comic:
Just as a note, I do not speak Japanese. All Japanese in the comic was google translated.
Last edited by SausageMcSauce (2020-Oct-28 22:31:53)
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bump
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Math is always an annoying subject to most. Recently, Mathematician Matt Mad had announced that Math is officially categorised as "garbage" and "paradox".
The world of Math started with 0 and 1, which, is now proven equal, making everything back to 0. The world is now empty, yet at the same time, had everything.
"Say we have 20 - 20 = 25 - 25, then 4 * 5 - 4 * 5 = 5 * 5 - 5 * 5. Thus, 4 * (5 - 5) = 5 * (5 - 5). We get 4 = 5. Subtracting 4 from both sides, we get 0 = 1," said Matt Mad.
The world senses the problem with Math. "We're deciding if we will get rid of Math from our children's brain. Our professional, world's top 10 mathematicians are trying to either prove this or debunk this," said Orwell Lee, the leader of World Mathematics Organisation.
It's over 9000 5000!
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OF VICE DEBATE BY SUESYE
by Suesye
A fight has breaken out in the offices of Apple News Ntework over weather or not to hang the Sans over the news report this year. "It's a Hello wiener tradition!" Jane Reporterdude argues, "Shef Kerbi News Network hung Sans every year!" "Nonsense!" Bobbo Fakeo shouts, "We should be different from Shef Kerbi, we should do our own thing!" "RAAAAAWR!" a third dinosaur joins in, "What if we hung the Sans AND the Papyrus?!"
As for myself, I don't have an opinion except this seems like pretty important internal info mmmm.
Last edited by Joyous Theta (2020-Oct-29 14:03:07)
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Fall Guys has been invaded by supposed "Mutant Shapeshifter Murderer"
Fall Guys competitors were shocked to find a murderer had infiltrated Fall Guys. All training sessions have been held off for now while the murderer is at large. Some say that they were a mutant, others say they could change their form into various humans, animals and fall guys, but either way, they were a murderer. There have been 50 deaths so far. Due to the potential Shapeshifting nature of this villain, any Fall Guy could be the imposter, causing Among Us-Style meetings to become common. Nobody gets killed or ejected, but the amount of sus people means we're getting nowhere. Heck, we don’t even know the name of the murderer, if someone has a lead on their name, that would be helpful. We need a darn helpline!
But we don’t know how to set one up.
Various masterminds, including Jeff the Killer, Tony Stark, and Red have been working on discovering the imposter. So far, we have nothing.
(Me hoping someone quotes this to tell us the name of the murderer)
Last edited by IncendiaryGaming (2020-Oct-29 15:53:53)
This is IncendiaryGaming, I enjoy Gaming, sushi and RPing. There isn't much about me. *insert sounds here*
This signature was sponsored by Fortnite, Minecraft, Among Us, Call of Duty, you know what just about any good video game out there (based on my opinion).
Now leave my house or I yeet your cookies.
My discord is IncendiaryGaming #5243 and my server is located at https://discord.gg/mqmZ8qk
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OF VICE DEBATE BY SUESYE
by SuesyeA fight has breaken out in the offices of Apple News Ntework over weather or not to hang the Sans over the news report this year. "It's a Hello wiener tradition!" Jane Reporterdude argues, "Shef Kerbi News Network hung Sans every year!" "Nonsense!" Bobbo Fakeo shouts, "We should be different from Shef Kerbi, we should do our own thing!" "RAAAAAWR!" a third dinosaur joins in, "What if we hung the Sans AND the Papyrus?!"
As for myself, I don't have an opinion except this seems like pretty important internal info mmmm.
That gives me an idea for another news report:
(put that news report as the first one in the next bulletin)
Either today or some days ago was Halloween, an Earth celebration involving pumpkins that is also celebrated in Dreem Lend. Unfortunately, trick-or-treating has been made illegal for the next few months on Earth, but well put this T-posing Sans here to celebrate it ourselves:
In other news, the candy cave near Keyn DDDD's castle has been restpred, although Keyn DDDD now owns it forever.
Someone has interrupted our Halloween report. Here is what they have to say:
plz make me be in this news report
We'll do that right away:
Now that is done, on with the rest of the news!
A random person has leaked several documents onto LeakedThings several documents involving The Carmes Inc Building's construction and planning dating from mid-2019 (around the time Carmes dissappeared from Shef Kerbi News Network), known in the documents as the 'Pig Soop Tower' (as it was built before Carmes Inc formed and when Carmes was only CEO of Nummy Foods Inc.). The documents mentions a very secret fact that PreCure Selene's house was in the basement of the tower.
Red Computer Labs are trying to invent loads of security measures just in case the documents are misused.
(end of news reports)
(and as a random fact, Carmes' office for writing his news reports is located in Carmes Inc's building, and can be walked to from Apple News Network's offices because of a symbolic link)
Last edited by SausageMcSauce (2020-Oct-29 20:39:04)
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How often do we make bulletins?
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I am please and thank you to announce that Helitman Warks Compass Knee has approached the busy NES of oatmeal and is now sales of oatmeal.
Oatmeal-chan will be appearance at the AnimeCON 2020 to sorrow at 3 am dms are open.
(Me hoping someone quotes this to tell us the name of the murderer)
Oh sorry that was me. I had to hire some rando people to demolish them to construct house for the slime rigs for the oatmeal don't worry though I got all the hermits unlike the other.
Last edited by Joyous Theta (2020-Nov-01 08:53:35)
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That made no sense, there's a different murderer, according to a witness they had blue skin but they didn’t recognise the clothing.
This is IncendiaryGaming, I enjoy Gaming, sushi and RPing. There isn't much about me. *insert sounds here*
This signature was sponsored by Fortnite, Minecraft, Among Us, Call of Duty, you know what just about any good video game out there (based on my opinion).
Now leave my house or I yeet your cookies.
My discord is IncendiaryGaming #5243 and my server is located at https://discord.gg/mqmZ8qk
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"Yeah, that will be a problem. We might get sued for spreading misinformation. I don't want our network to get sued, that will just make us suffer loss," Byron said.
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That made no sense, there's a different murderer, according to a witness they had blue skin but they didn’t recognise the clothing.
Oh yeahs this must be Highness he was one of the randos people I hired. He said he would sales the demolished guys rubble to his dark god so he's green wait why is he green now??
"Yeah, that will be a problem. We might get sued for spreading misinformation. I don't want our network to get sued, that will just make us suffer loss," Byron said.
Donut worry I copywriter suing 15 minute ago.
Last edited by Joyous Theta (2020-Nov-01 17:24:05)
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"What? Can you phrase it in another way?"
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Around 2000 people have showed up at Apple News Network headquarters, protesting about that no bulletin was released on Halloween, unlike what SKNN did twice in a row.
Several interviewed protestors have stated about employee Carmes being more active than Apple.
I might post here less frequently than I used to.
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"What? Can you phrase it in another way?"
I owned the eagle rights of suing 15 minutes are go.
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IncendiaryGaming wrote:That made no sense, there's a different murderer, according to a witness they had blue skin but they didn’t recognise the clothing.
Oh yeahs this must be Highness he was one of the randos people I hired. He said he would sales the demolished guys rubble to his dark god so he's green wait why is he green now??
Byron_Inc_TBG wrote:"Yeah, that will be a problem. We might get sued for spreading misinformation. I don't want our network to get sued, that will just make us suffer loss," Byron said.
Donut worry I copywriter suing 15 minute ago.
I’m talking about a murderer, not a demolitionist. Also, my friend Donut is now worrying.
I did say nobody knows the murderer (except me but I’m not telling you who)
This is IncendiaryGaming, I enjoy Gaming, sushi and RPing. There isn't much about me. *insert sounds here*
This signature was sponsored by Fortnite, Minecraft, Among Us, Call of Duty, you know what just about any good video game out there (based on my opinion).
Now leave my house or I yeet your cookies.
My discord is IncendiaryGaming #5243 and my server is located at https://discord.gg/mqmZ8qk
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I’m talking about a murderer, not a demolitionist. Also, my friend Donut is now worrying.
I did say nobody knows the murderer (except me but I’m not telling you who)
Why did you axe hoof the demolisher is if you already know them? Seems beautiful sauce of you, I am democracy on Fall Guy.
Remember, don't shoot food.
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