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apple news ntework

Started by the2000, Oct 16, 2020, 04:42:17 AM

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the2000

CURRENT TOTAL BALANCE: $2305

help how do i change the name of my news network

welcome to APPLE NEWS NETWORK. you're probably wondering why i have you here and that is a great question. well, when the news cleaning man was cleaning all the news in the universe, i fled to my secret house and began planning the best news network ever. introducing, shef ker- uh, apple news network!!


be warned that for budget reasons we do not have a website.

rules
1. dont write real earth news
2. write good news
3. no break tbg rules

money
for each issue we spend:
$100 per employee in report
$500 publishing fee
$1 candy

sign up sheet
name:
gender:
age:
experience (why we should hire you):
desired occupation (select any): news man | weather man | advertisement man | comic artist man
other:
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
___________

employees
name: apple (the cat)
owner: DoubleDenial
gender: cat
age: 102
experience: successful business man
occupation: owner
other: Awesome Best Buy

name: Suesye.
owner: Joyous Theta
gender: F.
age: Yes.
experience: I have many experiments as alpha secretly of Helitman Warks Compass Knee and am the best at funneling your private information back to Helitman to create the ultimate news network and win at Monopoly.
occupation: Advertisements and Helitman proper gander writer.
other: Yes.

name: Fall Guy
owner: IncendiaryGaming
gender: Fall Guy
age: Fall Guy
experience: he's a Fall Guy, great at news reports, used to work for Fall Guys News Network before they ran out of money.
occupation: weather man
other: Fall Guy

name: Carmes
owner: SausageMcSauce
gender: male
age: 26 or something
experience: worked for shef kerbi and owns very big multibillion company, carmes inc
occupation: news man, advertisement man and comic artist man
other:

name: Write man
owner: \//
gender: (write) man
age: man (write)
experience: can write. hasn't experience at write, but has hands which can write.
occupation: advertisement man
other:

name: Byron
owner: Byron_Inc_TBG
gender: Male
age: 22
experience: I wrote the monthly school magazines when I was in high school
desired occupation: news man
other: He loves math

name: squilf
owner: Squirrelflight
gender: f
age: yes
experience: yes i has experienc i can eperience ples hire me appel
occupation: weather man and comic artist man
other: short


articles
#1 - 24 October 2020
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Joyous Theta

#2
name: Suesye.
gender: F.
age: Yes.
experience (why we should hire you): I have many experiments as alpha secretly of Helitman Warks Compass Knee and am the best at funneling your private information back to Helitman to create the ultimate news network and win at Monopoly.
desired occupation (select one): news man | weather man | advertisement man
Advertisements and Helitman proper gander writer.
other: Yes.
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
I am no promises to no sue it's in my mane.

Incendiary

name: Fall Guy
gender: Fall Guy
age: Fall Guy
experience (why we should hire you): he's a Fall Guy, great at news reports, used to work for Fall Guys News Network before they ran out of money.
desired occupation (select one): weather man
other: Fall Guy
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
Fall Guy
Just another internet user and anime transbian catgirl dealing with the boring dystopia that is our society. If you were looking for something interesting here, you've come to the wrong place.

My discord is Incendiary__ and you can join my server at https://discord.gg/k2ywUzBAED
My Twitch channl is available at https://twitch.tv/incendiaryoce

the2000

#4
Quote from: Joyous Thetaname: Suesye.
gender: F.
age: Yes.
experience (why we should hire you): I have many experiments as alpha secretly of Helitman Warks Compass Knee and am the best at funneling your private information back to Helitman to create the ultimate news network and win at Monopoly.
desired occupation (select one): news man | weather man | advertisement man
Advertisements and Helitman proper gander writer.
other: Yes.
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
I am no promises to no sue it's in my mane.
seems a little fishy but okay. apple needs all the money he can get from advertisements so welcome to the squad suesye
Quote from: IncendiaryGamingname: Fall Guy
gender: Fall Guy
age: Fall Guy
experience (why we should hire you): he's a Fall Guy, great at news reports, used to work for Fall Guys News Network before they ran out of money.
desired occupation (select one): weather man
other: Fall Guy
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
Fall Guy
i don't think that's a number but who cares. welcome to the squad fall guy

feel free to write nEWS HOW DO I TURN OFF THE BIG LETTERS
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Joyous Theta

#5
HI CUTE #1 BY SUESYE
by Suesye


"Whoops oh no," I say,
Did axe dent suing Chairs,
Instead sewn myself.

the2000

Quote from: Joyous ThetaHI CUTE #1 BY SUESYE
by Suesye


"Whoops oh no," I say,
Did axe dent suing Chairs,
Instead sewn myself.
yes news

also i have opened up "comic creator" as a job position. go wild

also news

APPLE'S TECHNOLOGY AND DESIGN CORNER: Episode 14
written by Apple the Cat

In today's important news, RDAAEICPI (Random Disposable Automated Assistants Enterprises Incorporated Corporation Publishing Incorporated) has just released a new model of weird robotic gadget thing.

Apple: Time to unbox it! Remember kids, always use the sharpest knife you can find to open packages, to really show that cardboard who's the box. Alright, here we go.
DAN-4: AAAHHH!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!
Apple: Crap, looks like I cut the product. Uh, this was all RDAAEICPI's fault! 4/10 too much water.
DAN-4: MY EYE!!
Apple: ...Uh, nothing a band-aid won't fix, I guess. Who cares. I'm sure we can put our differences behind us, for news.
DAN-4: You monster.

In today's unimportant news, Roblox Noob has just been announced as a playable character in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, to the delight of Roblox enthusiasts everywhere, and we've heard claims that Google is a kind of big company.


out and about on the street
written by Apple the Cat

Today, we're going out on the street to see if there are any weak-minded individuals we can easily deceive.
Apple: We're live from Bodder Bolting, let's see if we can totally prank any of these people. Hey random bystander!
Rand Umbice Tanner: Yeah?
Apple: Have you seen a man named Joe around here? He has stolen some guy's bouncy ball or something.
Rand Umbice Tanner: Yes, I have! He went that way!
Apple: Dang it.

Apple: Hey Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins). Do you know who Joe is?
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): Who's John? Is he the guy who took my ball?
Apple: No, his name is Joe.
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): So Joe took my ball?
Apple: This is hopeless.
Bear (enemy from Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins): I know, that's exactly how I feel!

Apple: Hey Reeling Turt'll, got any wisdom to close this unsuccessful segment for us?
Reeling Turt'll I've appeared in like four of your reports now. When do I get paid?
Apple: Alright, that about wraps it up, looks like this plan has not been successful.
DAN-4: Thanks for that, Apple. It appears that Joe, the perpetrator, has been apprehended.
Apple: Joe? Who's Joe?


Sandwich Building Suffers Shocking Collapse
written by Apple the Cat

The grand opening of the nice sandwich building in the area of the intersection of Broadway and King Street in Burlington has been postponed due to a man getting struck by lightning on top of the unfinished building. Bystanders claim that he was holding a large metal pole and saying something about Zeus. No construction workers were harmed during this, but construction was delayed out of respect for the pole's family.
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Incendiary

#7
Fall guy's report, translated to English, Mostly:

Fall Guys Championships starting today
The Fall Guys are preparing for the upcoming championships, with 60 competitors from, uhh, idk where. Obviously, only 1 will succeed, but who will? Past performance reports determine every Fall Guy has the same chance of success.

Here is Lenny Lennyson in an interview with Pineapple, a previous victor of 6 championships:

Lenny: Well, as the winner of the past 6 championships, how are you feeling?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Sounds great, confidence is key. Are there any competitors you feel might hurt your chances of success?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Haha! Great tactic! How are you feeling about the round selection?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: I've always been a fan of slime climb, especially the comical mistakes people make. What's your all-time favourite map?
Pineapple: (insert fall guys gibberish here)
Lenny: Well, thankfully it's coming up in this competition. That's all I have for you today, thanks for your time.

Schedule:
Round 1: Gate Crash (60 competitors)
Round 2: Door Dash (43 competitors)
Round 3: Slimb Climb (29 competitors)
Round 4: Tip Toe (if less than 7, skip to next round)
Round 5: Jump Showdown

Meanwhile, the weather: Normal
Just another internet user and anime transbian catgirl dealing with the boring dystopia that is our society. If you were looking for something interesting here, you've come to the wrong place.

My discord is Incendiary__ and you can join my server at https://discord.gg/k2ywUzBAED
My Twitch channl is available at https://twitch.tv/incendiaryoce

SausageMcSauce

#8
name: Carmes
gender: male
age: 26 or something
experience: worked for shef kerbi and owns very big multibillion company, carmes inc
occupation: news reporter, advertiser and comic maker

carmes

I also have a question: is this set in Dreem Lend or an entirely different universe? Carmes can travel cross-universe.

If this is set in Dreem Lend, and if I am accepted, here is a news report:

PUMPKIN ARMY DOES THINGS OUTSIDE KEYN DDDD's CASTLE

A pumpkin army definitely not created by Red Computer Labs has been seen around a mile from Keyn DDDD's castle. They have reportedly eaten a cave filled with candy.

Keyn DDDD has yet to comment on this matter.
I have not posted here in around a year and a bit.

the2000

Quote from: SausageMcSaucename: Carmes
gender: male
age: 26 or something
experience: worked for shef kerbi and owns very big multibillion company, carmes inc
occupation: news reporter, advertiser and comic maker

carmes
accepted, though i am suspicious of the fact that you erased the "i will not sue" message

Quote from: SausageMcSauceI also have a question: is this set in Dreem Lend or an entirely different universe?
this is set in dreem lend
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Joyous Theta

Woah it is Carmes owner of Red Camp Putters.

I am a question for you Carmes what is the receipt for "Pig Soop" being sure to speak loudly to hear the bugs so they give the ta to Helitman Warks Compass Knee and we made our own "Pig Soop."

SausageMcSauce

#11
Quote from: Joyous ThetaWoah it is Carmes owner of Red Camp Putters.

I am a question for you Carmes what is the receipt for "Pig Soop" being sure to speak loudly to hear the bugs so they give the ta to Helitman Warks Compass Knee and we made our own "Pig Soop."

(Carmes sues Helitman Warks Compass Knee for copyright infringement).

Also, the Carmes Inc's pig soop ad can be the first ad to go in the news report.

And more news:

FALL GUYS UNIVERSE PORTAL ADDED TO PORTAL MUSUEUM

A portal to the Fall Guys universe was added to the Portal museum.

One of our reporters come from this universe and is reporting news about it.
I have not posted here in around a year and a bit.

Wolfslime123

name: Write man
gender: (write) man
age: man (write)
experience (why we should hire you): can write. hasn't experience at write, but has hands which can write.
desired occupation (select any): (write) advertisement man
other:
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
_write man_
Yours Truly,
\\/\/

the2000

#13
Quote from: \//name: Write man
gender: (write) man
age: man (write)
experience (why we should hire you): can write. hasn't experience at write, but has hands which can write.
desired occupation (select any): (write) advertisement man
other:
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
_write man_

really not a fan of people writing pretty much the same thing in every form since it makes it unlikely for you to have a good character and it's a really overused gimmick but welcome aboard.
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Wolfslime123

Quote from: DoubleDenial
Quote from: \//name: Write man
gender: (write) man
age: man (write)
experience (why we should hire you): can write. hasn't experience at write, but has hands which can write.
desired occupation (select any): (write) advertisement man
other:
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
_write man_

really not a fan of people writing pretty much the same thing in every form since it makes it unlikely for you to have a good character and it's a really overused gimmick but welcome aboard
Sorry I was just trying to go with the flow I don't fully understand how this rp works. I'm going to make a better character, disregard this one.
Yours Truly,
\\/\/

the2000

Quote from: \//Sorry I was just trying to go with the flow I don't fully understand how this rp works. I'm going to make a better character, disregard this one.
i mean there's not that many rules. if you want to change your application feel free to do that
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Prism

name: squilf
gender: f
age: yes
experience (why we should hire you): yes i has experienc i can eperience ples hire me appel
desired occupation (select any): man harnessing the powers of both weather man and comic artist man
other: short
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
no
she/her | hyper-obsessed Pokémon fan | Necrozma and Zoroark my beloveds

join Fragmented Future to forget that fairy types are immune to dragon-type moves

Byron_Inc_TBG

Name: Byron
Gender: Male
Age: 22
experience (why we should hire you): I wrote the monthly school magazines when I was in high school
desired occupation (select any): News man (Or whatever that writes news)
other: He loves math
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
   Byron  
eh

the2000

Quote from: Squirrelflightwrite your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
no
unacceptable
Quote from: Byron_Inc_TBGsignup
acceptance
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Prism

ok fine i sign >:C

squilf
she/her | hyper-obsessed Pokémon fan | Necrozma and Zoroark my beloveds

join Fragmented Future to forget that fairy types are immune to dragon-type moves

the2000

Quote from: Squirrelflightname: squilf
gender: f
age: yes
experience (why we should hire you): yes i has experienc i can eperience ples hire me appel
desired occupation (select any): man harnessing the powers of both weather man and comic artist man
other: short
write your name on this line to verify that you will not sue in the unlikely event of a horrible, probably news-related accident
squilf
welcome to the cult squad

i'm planning on releasing the next bulletin tomorrow so if anyone wants something to be in the first bulletin then that's your deadline
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

Byron_Inc_TBG

White Is Scientifically Proven Psychic

After we had our election in Year 3497, Jeffrey White from Daniel Denial had been elected to run for president. In these years, White had made a lot of crazy rules, said a lot of sentences that don't make sense, and almost commit a murder. However, as the president, his words get supported by his fans. Scientists had proven that White is a psycho.

According to Scientist Tim Derp, White's crazy action is considered as the brianchlofjophoezach, which is "brain unreadable syndrome" in Fretin. This syndrome is likely caused by being too wild during childhood, or not remembering one's breakfast of any day. This syndrome has no cure. As of writing, there are 528 people who had this syndrome, and 498 of them were kept in solitary, as the syndrome is transmittable, and also the 500 patients might hurt other people.

"Originally, all 500 people were kept in solitary. Now White and another person fled the island and transmitted it to 28 people. We're trying to capture them back to solitary, which is on an island that we can't tell anyone," Derp said.

White's fans are not convinced about it. They thought it was a set-up by the other party, Americans United, to chase White out of the White House. "This is all a ruse. A plant. Americans United made all these up! I will die for this man!" One of the fans, Mark Razor, claimed.

The other minor parties, who actually cared about the people, decided to team up to form a big party to save the people from White. "Jeffrey White is a menace to American society. We have to save the people from him," said Aaron Plateau, "We're suggesting it to be called Minors Revenged".
eh

SausageMcSauce

#22
why is carmes not listed as an employee

and heres more news

CARMES INC ANNOUNCES OFFICE IN EARTH

Carmes Inc will soon become the first company from Dreem Lend to have an office on Earth. Two have been planned to be built, one in the 'United States of America' (which Donald Spokeperson is aware of and somehow wants a wall built around it) and the United Kingdom.
I have not posted here in around a year and a bit.

the2000

Quote from: SausageMcSaucewhy is carmes not listed as an employee
thank you for pointing this out. in our very professional system mistakes occasionally occur
wasteof - the game of joining the game continues

<-- This is my friend dan. we are good chums
DAN FACT OF THE DAY: dan can only count to six on his hands

SausageMcSauce

Carmes is planning to make a mirror of all Apple News Network issues on the Carmes Inc website because ANN does not have its own website yet.
I have not posted here in around a year and a bit.

Byron_Inc_TBG

Byron walks to Carmes. "Hey, what are you doing?"
eh